By Izzah Husna
My grief wanders in the dark
In a cloak so heavy it barely moves,
When it strides quietly, going back and forth.
It shushed and hushed an aged darkling thrush,
Refusing the notion that “hope”
Is the thing with feathers.
It is a feeling of anger that has no place
No home to come back to.
It is a feeling of despair that has no end
No closure that shuts loneliness out.
It is all the things called love
That has nowhere to go but six feet under.
My grief wanders in the graveyard
And in my shadows under the sun
And in me, when the night falls.
Hope are flowers on a nightstand
Placed beside the deathbed.
Where an aged thrush sings quietly,
And then...silence.
When it strides quietly, going back and forth
In a cloak so heavy it barely moves,
My grief wanders in the dark.
Commentary by the author:
Death and grief are the two things I have become accustomed to and it becomes prominent in my writings. I figured writing as a good outlet to remember my loved ones in hope, to become stronger every day for them. In this particular poem, I discussed how grief can feel to those who have experienced them and for me, grief is a cloaked figure that wanders around aimlessly – it is all the love you want to give to a person, but you can’t, at least not in this world.
This particular poem takes a pessimistic view on hope, which highlights the four early stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining and depression). I focus on the feelings within these four stages rather than the final stage which is acceptance, because these are the parts that some people refuse to discuss, it’s the bitter truth. How can we move on healthily, if we don’t go through the first four stages in our own time? Healing works differently for people and that’s okay. Sometimes, even after years, grief creeps up to you again. For me, it becomes a part of your life hence the line “My grief wanders in the graveyard / And in my shadows under the sun / And in me, when the night falls.” and mourning a loss or losses of your loved ones becomes a cycle. I reflect the cycle through the use of palindrome as the poem begins and ends with the same three lines, attempting to show that grief is not linear, it is a loop.
In this poem, there are two other poems that I referenced to which are ‘The Darkling Thrush’(1900) by Thomas Hardy and ‘Hope is the Thing With Feathers’(1861) by Emily Dickinson. Both of these poems symbolise birds as hope such as the Thrush in Hardy’s poem, to show that hope glimmers in your life the way that birds sing freely, despite the conditions they are in. The birds provide a sense of a better future for the speakers in Hardy and Dickinson’s poems. In this poem however, the image of “flowers” as hope comes from the idea that hope is temporary and not worth holding onto, much like the flowers that are plucked from their stems, which technically quicken their wilting process.
Final note: To those who have lost someone dear to you, it has been a tough journey and if it still hurts, I pray that God eases the pain for you. Know that it is completely okay to feel sad about it and it is okay to reminisce all the memories you have of them. It is also important to keep your head up and make the best out of your life, for yourself and for them. May one day, we will be reunited with them in Paradise, insha’Allah.
Comentarios