The Art of Raging

By Izzah Husna

My anger resides within my hollowed heart And resides between my estranged ribs And resides in my veins that circulates In a journey throughout my body.

I was a child that wishes to burn the world. What do you know about the art That tears everything apart as an aesthetic? What do you know about the art That screams and throws a tantrum? I was a child that believed the world is burning. Like the scribbles and doodles on my paper Like the notebooks that entombed my poems. What do you know about the trembling Of the body that contains years of wrath? What do you know about the tightening chest Like your throat tied by a rope And you can barely breathe or speak? I was a child who had the talent to create The greatest art of rage. I was gifted. What do you know about losing The ability to create chaos through fury?

What do you know about becoming a chamber That allows the ire to burn only within you? I am an arsonist who has burned nothing more But my own self and my hands are warm For others to hold. But good God, I am still, by heart, a museum that holds The art of raging.

Commentary by author:

First stanza:

This poem is written as a rant or a confession by a person dealing with severe anger issues in Bipolar (a disorder that causes extreme mood swings). It begins with the person describing the placements (home) of anger in her body, expressing the emotion as being a part of who she is. I used “hollowed heart” and “estranged ribs” to show the detachment of the speaker from her own body, a reluctance to acknowledge that the body containing such anger belongs to her.

Second stanza:

It takes a quick change in this part, where the rant begins with “I was a child that wishes to burn the world” which shows resentment rooted deeply in her childhood. This part switches back and forth from the speaker’s younger self to her current self. Her younger self tends to have outbursts of anger, she was the best at raging and letting the world know of her wrath. While her current self becomes more passive and reflects her anger inwardly, the idea I had for this part is the conflict of not being able to control one’s emotions while being highly self-conscious with fear of hurting others. Part of this stanza is inspired by a quote from Richard Kadrey’s book ‘Aloha from Hell’, which goes “When you’re born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it’s not.” This part also highlights the question of “Which affects a person more over time; to let their anger run free or to hold it within themselves?"

Third stanza:

In the final stanza, the speaker’s current self takes over fully, she is aware. By holding back her anger and projecting it on herself rather than other people, her relationships with others become more positive. I use the concept of “chamber” here because although it can withstand a lot, at some point there is still a possibility to explode and this is the dilemma faced by the speaker. She feels as though even if she is managing her anger at the moment, deep inside she acknowledges that rage is something she is extremely familiar with. With the mentioning of “God”, it reflects the speaker’s desire to be seen and understood and it is only her creator who truly understands how she feels. I also wrote it as a form of indirect prayer, that the rage of her younger self remains a part of her history and would not surface anymore. Art is known to be a channel to express thoughts, emotions and imagination thus I depict rage as a form of art in this poem as it is the only way the speaker knows how to let herself to be heard. To rage and rage and rage. It is a ‘gift’ that she has suppressed and caged away in the “museum” which symbolises her past.