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What if I Die First

By H 

Painting inspired by Rhys Knight’s “The Futility of Dualism”


What if I die first 

What if I die before you 

What if I’m not the one who 

takes care of you 

when you can no longer stand up and 

need to always sit and 

when you always forget where you put 

the keys and what you eat and 

You’re old but I died before you. 


What if I die first 

What if I will never see you 

smile when you see me up the stage 

and never feel your tightest hug on my wedding day 

and all my fantasies 

of my brightest future 

all with you inside the picture 

but it was never written down because 

You’re alive but I died before you 


What if I die first

What if I die right in front of you 

And you see the light leaving my eyes and you wonder if your daughter 

sees God’s Grace or whether she failed the test and fell into the darkest pit of Hell 

and you can never help me again 

Because I died 

Because I died before you and now I’m alone


Oh, but what if you die first?


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