By Affa Adi
Edited by Syafiqah Suhaimi
Dealing with the death of your loved one is hard and painful for most. The way your calls to them go unanswered, the way your latest photos are not of their pictures, and the way you believe you have moved on, but still manage to break down at the end of a good day.
Personally, losing someone feels like losing both your past and future. Sometimes, the memories you have created with those who have passed away seem to be fragments of your goodnight’s dreams, and you tend to question whether the moments truly exist or perhaps they were all made up by you. And most of the time, the future looks bleak, like a pointless destination that you have imagined– picture it to include a certain someone who suddenly could not make it to that point in your life.
Death and the changes that come with it are often portrayed in many media and films. It is not anything new or groundbreaking, and it is part of our life’s expectations too. However, I find some sort of beauty in looking at how people cope with the death of their loved ones through the lens of film directors. Through the close-ups, the cuts, and the time skips, and here I am going to introduce you to another piece of media that centres around losing and letting go.
ถ้าเธอรักฉันจริง (Ta Ter Rak Chan Jing) or “If You Truly Love Me” by Three Man Down is a song released in December 2020 along with a music video (MV). The song is about the speaker asking the listener to stop showering him with their love because he feels undeserving of it when he still has feelings for his ex-lover (either dead or alive). He keeps being reminded of the past and finds it unfair to lead her on further.
The MV deviates a little from embracing the literal meaning of the song. But it still shares the same sentiment, conveying the inability to forget and having a strong attachment to the past. The song unfolds through the lens of the male perspective, driving the progression of the MV with a little twist at the end. It tells a story of how the death of a young woman gravely impacts the dynamic between her four close friends: Ton, Belle, and Dew.
These names are taken from the Thai texts written on the MV. The other two are unnamed. I have roughly translated the texts and the translation can be found at the end of this article.
From the MV, we can easily deduce that Ton didn’t only lose a friend, but also his crush, Belle, the one he has romantic feelings for. We may infer from his emotions that he does not take it well and suffers from it worse than others after she dies.
On the other hand, Dew appears to be all cheerful following Belle’s death. She starts to act silly around their friends, but it seems that it is her way of trying to lift their spirits, especially Ton. She has to be the ‘loud’ member in the group and act as if nothing has changed, even with one of them gone. Her attempts do not go unnoticed by Ton as he confronts her about it, enquiring if she has feelings for him.
Then the scene abruptly cuts off to flashbacks of when Belle was still with them, comparing the differences in their group dynamic between the past and present. Belle seems to be a high-spirited and playful girl and most moments afterward hint at how Dew likes Ton, and as a good friend, Belle pushes them two together.
However, towards the end of the MV, our initial presumptions of Dew having feelings for Ton turns out to be wrong. Dew reveals to Ton that she does not like him, but Belle does. The MV ends with showing the four friends graduating and taking group photos, posing like the ones they took with Belle in the past.
After you have watched the MV, you might think that the story is somewhat beautiful but typical. It is something most of us have watched before. What’s so great about it anyway?
The great things, at least to me, lie in all the subtle gestures that they do throughout the whole video. Specifically, by Ton and Dew. I am drawn to how deeply troubled Ton appears to be following the sudden death of Belle. It is also worth noting that he does not smile any more or show any positive expression on his face, even until he graduates and takes group photos.
He also seems to be searching for something and this behaviour speaks to me. It is reflected through his action of glancing to the side when he rides his scooter bike. There is a lot to unravel from this seemingly simple gesture. It suggests that Belle's presence beside him is something he has grown accustomed to, and the absence of her now leaves him feeling incomplete.
What was once something he enjoyed doing becomes something he dreads, and fills him up with anxiety and frustration. There is a sense of longing when his eyes linger to the side, as if he expects Belle to come back, that perhaps she would magically appear before him if he glanced as many times as he could. Or perhaps he feels the need to do it to face reality, to be sure that Belle is truly gone.
This particular behaviour shown by Ton is probably relatable to some people who have gone through the same experience, especially when the death is probably a month or two old. There is a heavy need to just swipe your eyes over the places you used to spend with your loved ones. There are a thousand reasons why people do that, and for Ton, it is probably his way of coping with Belle’s death.
In contrast, Dew is able to find within herself to showcase positive emotions. This does not mean that she feels less pain than Ton nor that she has forgotten about Belle and moved on. But, her reactions portray how there are individuals who can mask their true feelings and be strong (or pretend to be) for those who cannot. In this case, she tries to be strong for Ton.
Before Belle dies, Dew is seen looking back and forth between Ton and Belle. A large portion of us might have thought it was jealousy, and maybe it was, but maybe it was not directed towards who we think of, as she has said that she does not like Ton. Or maybe this scene simply shows that she already has an inkling that Ton and Belle both like each other.
The answer from Belle confirms Dew’s suspicions later: “I can't like him. There's no way I can like him.” Notice how it is phrased strangely. Belle does not deny she likes Ton, but she denies her own feelings and this leads us to question why. Belle’s denial hints that she knew she was not going to live long and Dew could tell from it.
Dew knows that Belle’s condition is not great, that Belle likes Ton back, and she is afraid to confess, knowing her time is short to initiate anything with Ton. Yet, despite everything that Dew knew and her being Belle’s closest friend, she still has it in herself to suppress her grief and longing in front of her friends, simply because she needs to be when others cannot.
This short five-minute MV beautifully captures the raw emotions of the three friends. Accompanied by the song, the arrangement of the shots and scenes makes the revelation at the end somehow feel more impactful than it is supposed to be. The transitions from one whole group to one without Belle are very heart-wrenching. It echoes the sentiments that often arise in the minds of those who share similar experiences: “It’s too soon,” and “If only I knew, I would have….”
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Rough translation including timestamps:
0:05 : Hi Belle. Hurry back and make jokes for me to hear. If you're late, the title of the funniest person in the gang will belong to me. I've come up with a lot of jokes too, so get well soon. I'll miss you.
0:37 : Belle is the funniest person in our group.
1:02 : After Belle died, Ton never laughed again.
1:10 : After Belle died, Dew suddenly acted strange.
1:46 : Do you like me? If you like me, quit acting funny.
2:52 : Belle: Do you still like Ton?
Dew: Aren’t you the one who likes him?
Belle: I can't like him. There's no way I can like him.
3:12 : It's Belle who actually likes you, not me.
4:19 : I just love the sound of your laugh the most, that's all.
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