By Zaiti Athirah
Edited by Harith Syafiee
Apple drawls in her sensual, throaty, come-hither voice, exclaiming, “I’ve been a bad… bad… girl…” in her famous music video for her single, Criminal. The music video was no less suggestive and controversial as she displays her gaunt and cadaverous body rendered by her eating disorder slinking through languid, half-naked male models in the setting of the sinister basement. The audience would fall into the trance of her dolorous charm, though ambivalence begins to seep in as her confession of “sins” appears allusive to the song of a burlesque. Uniquely, in her portrayal of a sordid seductress archetype, she reclaims agency over the antiquated role imposed on women by the society, letting us question ourselves: who the real criminal is.
“Criminal” is a gallant manifesto calling out the confining box of societal expectations that limits women as she plays a siren-like nymphet exuding an uncomfortably seedy aura that makes the audience voyeuristically squirm in their seats. Even observing the oral performance of the song, the singer deliberately stretches the vowels, especially in the early verses of the song, inducing sensuality and entrancing the audience into consuming her unsettling seduction.
Watch her remarkable performance at The Greek Theatre, LA, 1998, here.
Though, in a deeper and more personal sense, the lyrics are a self-directed warning, a guilty reminder that she doesn't have to wield her sexuality like a weapon or play into the male gaze in order to get what she wants. She's apologetic for her actions, yet at the same time hinting at her compulsive, desperate bid for power: "It's a sad, sad, world / When a girl will break a boy just because she can." This is all the deliberate engineering of the 19-year-old as her artistic exclamation of a message as complex as the inspirations in Apple’s life.
Following her real-life story, around seven years prior to the song being written, she was raped in the hallway of her mother’s apartment by a strange man who followed her from school. In Rolling Stones’ January 1998 issue, “Fiona Apple: The Caged Bird Sings,” she shared the visceral details of her childhood tragedy and how consequently she struggled with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that deeply affected her life. Of course, the interviewer, Chris Heath, was fascinated by her openness in her storytelling which is evident in her songwriting, as he described her as “addicted to telling the truth.”
In relation to the song, “Criminal,” it is argued that the trauma had permanently affected her psyche, as displayed by her conflicted view on morality. The cognitive dissonance theory, proposed by Festinger (1957), is a psychological theory that may explain the moral disorientation experienced by the persona of the song, Apple herself. Through the back and forth of her proclamation being the “criminal” herself yet juxtaposed with her penitent expression, the aforementioned theory seems pertinent in apprehending her inner conflict as reflected in the song.
Cognitive dissonance is no stranger in the discourse of trauma and its ramifications. Looking back at Apple’s tragic history of trauma occurring in her formative years, it is apparent that she experienced the unfortunate episodes of brawling within herself to find out who was at fault and to be blamed for the tragedy in her life. Based on the lyrics, she oscillates between the self-destructive anger in “I need to be redeemed to the one I’ve sinned against,” and a helpless yearn in the latter part, “Because he’s all I ever knew of love.”
Then, she takes a jab at sarcasm by referring to herself as the “bad girl” being careless with a “delicate man,” in which the pronouns exemplify the reality of the power dynamic between a young girl and a grown man, juxtaposed. In the real world, it is known that what is often the case is the older man who is the perpetrator of abuse and the younger girl as the victim, as what happened in the reality of her case of sexual assault. This subversion of roles in her narrative highlights the irony of victim-blaming, and exposes the underlying issues of manipulation and power abuse, inciting the audience to understand the true nature of culpability in such circumstances.
Looking at the line titular to the song, “‘Cause I’m feeling like a criminal,” positioned in the refrain chorus, it truly holds a significant meaning to the song as a whole. Instead of saying in assertion, “‘Cause I am the criminal,” she implies instead, by depicting the true ambiguity and hesitance in her introspection. The collocation of “feeling like'' connotes that she is at arm’s length from accepting the false narrative of her being the “criminal” imposed on herself, and that she realises the complexity of her guilt, coming from the fact that she did not commit anything wrong by her will. This erudite utilisation of litotes implies a deeper critique of the societal perception of the abused. Festinger’s cognitive dissonance theory (1957) explains that this inner turmoil is often experienced by abuse victims when holding two conflicting beliefs and values: either to trust her own moral compass or the external labels placed upon her.
In the lines “Heaven help me for the way I am / Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done,” the previously mentioned guilt progresses into such complexity that she turns to the Divine for the most true clarity in her conflict. The plea for divine intervention emphasises her grappling with the disparity between her actions and her conscience. However, with her frustration of her unanswered invocation , she prays in rage in the bridge verse:
Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say the devil wants to know.
This desperate appeal for divine guidance exacerbates the friction between her internal moral compass and the external pressures she experiences from the society. As she oscillates between seeking divine clarity and expressing her rage, the song profoundly illustrates the dissonance between her ideal self and her actions, highlighting the deep psychological struggle to reconcile these conflicting aspects of her identity.
Ultimately, the real criminal is not the "bad girl" she portrays, but rather the societal forces and individuals who impose guilt and exploit power, obscuring the real perpetrators of abuse. This confessional poem, reminiscent of lyrical poetry, truly captures the stark reality of psychological conflict, revealing the raw essence of the internal conflict Apple faced in reconciling her actions with her conscience.
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